Frustrated

I'm struggling tonight, feeling frustrated with myself and others.  I'm frustrated with my ability to take a step forward and then not remain consistent with it.  Instead it feels like I then end up taking some steps back.  Debbie Ford or Martha Beck or some such author talks about how the qualities we recognize in others are the qualities we ourselves have.  And that when we have a strong reaction to something in someone else we must look at that very thing within ourselves.  It seems like most people do not view the world through this psychological/analytical lens.  People will talk your ear off about superficial matters, but won't touch on the real stuff.  And if the real stuff peers its head out people are quick to gloss over it and change the subject.  Why is it that I am not made this way?  Why have I always been more sensitive and aligned with taking on what others' are feeling and caring about that?  I know why this is.  And I just realized in writing this that every single one of my close female friends is a extremely strong, independent, smart woman (the kind of women that you would feel safe being stranded somewhere with cause they are smart enough to find a way out)...every single one.  And while there are definitely male friends in my life that have these characteristics these men tend to be in the background, pillars when I need them, but always in the background due to the business of life, marriage, kids, etc.  And it always feels like the ones that emerge into the forefront require something of me.  I doubt that it is ever conscious on their part, but for some reason I see in them their need for emotional support, confidence and encouragement.  Another person in my position may not see this and their dynamic would be different.  They may just see them as fun, nice, smart guys and leave it at that.  But for me there is always a emotional meter reading so to speak and then with that comes some desire to help them or to fill what clearly they never received.  I'm really tired of it.  And while there have been wonderful things about some of these relationships and friendships the truth has always been that my emotional needs are never met because these men can never meet them.  They do not have the ability and/or wherewithal to even know that they aren't meeting my needs and they can't look at themselves and see any type of deficiency within themselves because that would be too ego-crushing.  (And yes I realize here is fodder for my next therapy session!)  If you are a personal friend of mine you know easily why this is and what this is about.  This is the make-up, the dynamic of my family of origin.  If these patterns that you've carried for so long are cemented like concrete how do you change them without breaking the entire structure?  Once it dries cement isn't a malleable substance.