me

This whole time what I needed wasn't my family or the guy I was dating to believe in me....what I needed what I need even now was me to believe in me.  Additionally I needed this to take place in an environment surrounded by balanced, healthy, supportive friends that believed in and valued me as well.  It has taken time to clear out the space.  They say you have to remove what isn't serving you in order to make space available for what does serve you to show up.  I've been doing that.  But the process has been extremely slow.  I'm still holding onto that bar too afraid of the unknown I would be falling into.  What I'm starting to see now is that what would change wouldn't just be who I spend my time with, or where I spend my time....what would change would be me....the way I present myself, my reaction to circumstances, what I allow to affect me or not...but mainly how I view/approach life.  Because at the core of who I am what I've wanted hasn't changed, some of those things were born in a time when I was little and didn't have the vocabulary to express them, but I knew even back then what I was seeking.  I had a really great weekend, filled with time spent with new friends and adventures, new steps taken...and amidst this I felt a distinct wave of rememberance...not melancholy....just a reminder in front of me that the terrain in some areas of life is unfamiliar once again.