The 12th man and me

Sometimes there are things I wish to write about here, but I refrain.  I start a post and it remains unpublished...too revealing in it's nature, not fully formed, or just random thoughts.  This blog has become the "12th man" in my life.  (See, I'm even using football lingo in my writing!)  There is no one person I talk to every day about what goes on in my life.  I don't have a boyfriend, roommate, sibling, or spouse that I share daily happenings with.  Don't read that the wrong way...it wasn't meant to evoke pity or a sense of sympathy from the people who read this blog.  (I'm not ready yet for another boyfriend; I like having my own place; I can't change the fact I don't have a sibling; I'm not ready to take on the responsibilities and complications of marriage.)  Friends are busy with their own lives or bluntly put not interested to know the every day goings on.  It all converges at an apropos time as I'm at this point where I'm literally reconstructing my life from square one and finding healthier ways on my own to fulfill my desire to be heard and be less dependent on others.  So this little blog has become my place to write.  Not for others.  This has become my place to write for myself.  To hear myself think...or more so to take some of the thoughts in my head that are all tangled up and separate and examine them.  Although there are clearly things that I am not handling well, I am grateful to be in this place.  2008 was not a year I have much interest in repeating.  I broke my own heart.  Like a broken bone that mends incorrectly, the hairline fractures in my heart needed to be broken open by me to truly heal it correctly once and all.  And now I think of my life as my own version of home-schooling (if that makes any sense).  I'm basically assessing what my long-term objectives are, identifying my strengths and weaknesses, planning ways to overcome these weaknesses, executing, and readjusting.  That sounded like business-speak, monotone, and unfeeling.  Basically I'm figuring out my own ceilings and where I'm closed off, what skills I lack, what tools are missing from my toolbox, and how to put to use the ones I possess.  Do other people do this?  Isn't this what we're supposed to be doing?