bye

I sat today
and the words came
like a word scramble puzzle
they all unscrambled themselves
in my brain
and flowed forth

the baggage i carry
rests partly in trying to make sense of the nonsense
and the question that i carry still
is that in a world marred by madness
in a world where i know people who have been murdered
where i have seen a gun pulled on someone i love
in a world where pain, loss, death can happen at any minute of any day
how
how
how
when you have the chance to handle a situation
with integrity
an ending with respect, love, compassion, and delicacy
how did you choose
over and over
to not treat our ending like this?

why did my feelings not matter enough to consider
did you never truly care for me
or is this some damage within you
i no longer care if it was a or b
my life is not worth wasting
trying to figure out answers to your stupid deficiencies

i simply cannot fathom
how in this world of madness
where even my life has been touched by tragedy
by violence
how you could choose
how you consciously made the choice
not once, but repeatedly
to disregard my humanity

someone once told me you lack the ability to do this, see this
and while that may be true it sounds like a big fucking excuse to me
your emotional bankruptness
does not excuse
you

i will never forget how you treated me
it corroded all positive rememberance
so now
i have nothing left for you
even i
now see
what you did.