It is a little before 10 o'clock in the morning. I'm sitting at my kitchen counter catching up on my blogroll. Little by little just as in life I'm simplifying the long list of blogs I "follow." I am unable to read all these blogs regularly as I would like so I've started to shorten my list to only the blogs that move me nowadays.
I've been thinking about all the social plans I have this weekend and how I'm made no plans for all the reading I have to do for class or for the other goals I've set for this week. And what this means is on some frequency in my life I'm still running away and avoiding things. Sitting down and doing the class reading, looking for a new job, cleaning my apartment...all these things sound like such isolating activities. Maybe I should think about finding a new apartment with a roommate again. Although I have little desire for this. But other than sleep maybe it is time to push through this stuff and do more of what I truly crave which is meaningful work, engaging in material that makes me think, setting up a place where I'm happy for people to come. I don't know why this is my journey in life, why I have to visit and revisit it every couple of weeks, but it is.
I'm meeting up with an old friend from college today to check out Yankees stadium where they will be playing the Kansas City Royals. Truth is I'm not feeling so up for this today...sitting outside in the humid, muggy weather drinking beers or sodas and eating junk food doesn't sound so appealing right now. But I haven't seen my friend in a long time and I want to catch up with him. But it isn't the same. People move into different spaces in your life and it is hard for me to make that transition as well. They want to catch up and I have no clue how to do this since they haven't been around for a while and when I have reached out it it is rare that they respond. I realize I can't be mad about this as this has been the dance we've done for the last so many years and there is no point to fight this battle. So I lean into what feels good about the friendship, what I value and respect about my friend and I share and ask the thoughts and questions I have with him that I know he uniquely values and understands. How many friends can you talk about love, urban planning, architecture, history, books, pop culture, sports, foreign countries, writing, psychology...and the list goes on.
1 comment:
I need to do some cleaning out in my life, downsizing, throwing out, probably will have to move soon which I just hate. I have sixty-five years of accumulated things...it's overwhelming.
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