The last seven days have been so ripe with realizations and lessons learned.  Is this what happens when you release what you've been holding in and allow your voice the chance to be heard?  So you let go of what has been festering within and thus free yourself to move on to something new?  Last Monday was the most draining day and then Tuesday and Wednesday continued as such.  But I've come to see some qualities within myself that I like.  It is important for me to be honest with myself about what is really happening in my life.  To this end, when something in class stirs something up within me I have been looking at what that is, what within me caused that reaction, instead of just staying stuck in anger or annoyance with the person who caused this reaction to happen.  I also see how now my first priority is me most of the time.  Not that it hasn't always been.  But now my spirit, my state of mind, my emotional well-being, my peace is the priority and I'm finding that I will do whatever I need to to protect that.  If people in my life are hurt by this then well honestly it is their own issues coming up...because the people I'm truly close with whose friendships have been built over years know exactly what is happening in my life and understand not to take things personally.  To be honest I just realize how much limited energy and time in a day I have and more than once i think is this how I want to be spending my time or is this activity or person where I want to dedicate time to right now?  Everything is opportunity cost.  For the hours I spend talking to someone about the same thing over and over (whether it be about the same issue I've been talking about repeatedly or the same issue they continually revisit) I could be having a new experience or making a choice to take care of myself which will only help me in the short and long-run.  And you know what?  I think most of the time I'm going to be the choice that wins.  I used to give myself away a lot and now I'm slowly becoming a lot more protective of myself.

There are some friends that will just never speak the same language, but you love other things about them.  And there are those because of differing beliefs or in my opinion their lack of self-exploration  there will always be a hole...a distance in the relationship.  But I'm seeing that I have a choice about who sits at the dinner table with me.  And it's ok for me to be discerning in this way.  I've come to see I have really wonderful people in my life.  And I've also come to see that what I'm most concentrated on right now is my inner circle.  Who are the people I can turn to on a regular basis, who really believe in me AND who really listen and respond?

I was going to write more, but it is late and anything inspired has left me now.  More later...