ॐ नमः शिवाय

Lately when I'm dwooling (the word a friend and I made up to express dwelling too much about things in the past) I quietly say Aum Namah Shivaya (Om Namah Shivaya) to myself.  For me this is something that is related to doing aarti growing up and now.  As I don't have any religious/Hindu prayer books with me that talk about this I looked online tonight to remind myself of the translation of this Sanskrit mantra and found the following explanation on a few websites.  It is always important to consider the source of the information so this may only be one translation of this mantra.

"This mantra has no approximate translation. The sounds related directly to the principles which govern each of the first six chakras on the spine...Earth, water, fire, air, ether...A very rough, non-literal translation could be something like, 'Om and salutations to that which I am capable of becoming.'" (source) 

That part that resonated with me is "Om and salutations to that which I am capable of becoming."  This lines up well with the impetus behind why I say it and where I'm headed. 

Last year when I was having a hard time I used to do aarti as a connection to something from my home and family.  In the midst of deep pain lighting agarbati (incense), singing Om Jai Jagdish Hare, and saying the Gayatri Mantra connected me back to my family and their absolute and unconditional love for me.  Before this moment I always thought of their love for me as conditional in terms of what they wanted me to be, but in writing this paragraph and thinking about it I see now how unconditional it is and has always been...that no matter what or where I have gone and how that path has diverged from what they wanted they have always followed me along this journey and loved me so much that at times I found it overwhelming.  (This is why I write, to discover things like this.)  In thinking about this I looked up Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham (one of my favorite Hindi films) on YouTube.  If you understand Hindi and have a heart you can't watch this scene, hear Lata Mangeshkar's title song and not think of your parents' love for you.  Your heart breaks for Shah Rukh Khan and Jaya Bachchan's mother-son connection and Kajol's wish for the blessing she never received from Amitabh Bachchan.

And now for some fun...it is time to bhangra!  If you don't understand Punjabi skip the conversation and start the video at 3:33 for some music.