I shot the first home videos ever in our family last weekend. I woke up today and watched some of them. It is amazing to me because videos of course catch and cast people in all their naturalness, rather than a photo or one's memories of that moment. Watching them makes me feel closer to my family even though I am miles away. Plus watching videos of our little doggy just makes me smile.
While I was home I bought a fruit too so now I can load and edit all my videos and photos I take. That should be interesting, although my fruit has been sitting in the box it came in for the last 5 days. I don't know why I haven't completely unpacked it and immediately starting using it. I suspect it has to do something with change.
I went on a date recently too! The situation turned out a lot better than I thought it would be given how we were set up. It was nice for the first time in a very long time to be sitting across the table from a man I found physically attractive and who in his mid 30s actually took care of himself physically rather than just letting himself go. I also went to a party leading up to someone's wedding where it felt like every adult I knew there asked me when I was getting married. How annoying.
I also watched Air India 182 and heard personal experiences from someone I know who was there to witness the aftermath. After seeing this movie and hearing about Air India's handling of the events following I will never fly Air India again. What moved me was hearing the one-on-one interviews with the CSIS investigators, nurses, and victim's families. One man who had lost his wife and a child I think talked about how he had not given the last rites yet...that he was still waiting for his wife to walk through the door over 20 years later. Another mother who was asking why me about losing her immediate family talked about being met with the response Why not you? And the more she thought about that the more she realized yes, why not me...that these things can happen to anyone and this time it happened to her. Overall it was moving and sad to see what was happening in the days leading up to the flight. Someone I dated in college used to say "Your perception makes your reality" and I'm reminded of that now in thinking about the idea of reframing. I can't imagine flying to a foreign country to identify the bodies of your loved ones (many children) that are disfigured. And then seeing those responsible for such horrors not brought to justice because of errors on the criminal justice system's part.
The good news is that my fridge and my tummy are filled with lots of yummy mom-made food. Chana alu, rajma, paranthas, kachoris, tikkis, roti and bhindi.
But the thing I've been really wondering the last few days is why is the pattern always that after I take a few steps forward I firmly plant my feet on the ground and stand still as if paralyzed...only I'm not paralyzed...I just make the stubborn choice not to continue moving forward or taking proper care of my life. I really hate this quality about myself. I lose days doing this, days too precious to waste.
2 comments:
Those videos sound brilliant. Maybe you will share them with "us" sometime? I also wish you would share some of moms cooking, but I know I live too far away for that!
That's so funny because I recently purchased a Camcorder Flip in an attempt to turn my love of movies into making my own kind of (extremely amateur) ones. It sat unopened for about three days. That may not sound that long, but if you knew how excited I was to receive it, it was. I think it was the change aspect for me, too. I was so excited to transition into this new art place, but I was also a wee bit scared.
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