Living from a place of fear

I feel frustrated with myself.  I see my life a little clearer now, or possibly more than a little clearer as something that blocked my view for years has been moved (actually more than one big thing) and yet I can't seem to put one foot in front of the other every day and keep moving forward towards my goals.  I will take a bunch of steps at once and then I will stand still, the crickets will chirp, there will be silence and I will be alone.  I hate this.

After being there for friends struggling with drinking, depression, insecurity, confusion, and other concerns this past week I don't feel drained like I used to in the past.  But I do feel that it is time to turn around and go back to concentrating on the things I'm working on.  I don't know what the friend's role is when it comes to bedrock foundational issues.  Many of these people I'm starting to realize don't want to hear the truth.  This shocks me and also makes me want to distance myself from them, at least from this part of them, because this is not a value I want in my life and I will staunchly protect and defend this.  I can enjoy all the wonderful things there are to value about these great individuals, but my real honest truth is that I'm seeking more people in my life that live from a place of truth, respect, and love.  I've spent my whole life living from a place of fear.  I still live in that place, albeit it as I've shifted so has the view.  What I'm seeking is a certain excellence that I know exists; it is just getting myself to a place where I'm comfortable with it and being surrounded by it.  Martha Beck once said "If you're hoping for a miracle, stop gabbing and start working... Persist, and miracles will start happening, all the more wondrous because you worked them yourself."  There is only so much you can talk about something; talking only gets you so far.  Dr. Carol Tavris was right when she wrote in The Mismeasure of Woman that women think talking about a problem is actually doing something about it (which it isn't) versus men who actually take action on it.  I should know as I could garner awards for my ruminating and analyzing and talking and mulling-it-over abilities, but now I'm sick of this.  It is a broken record and what gets me excited is when I take action on things and then I see all the results of those actions and the magical things that happen.  My disinterest in spending time in situations that do not grow me, interest me, impact me positively continues to grow.  I feel no remorse or need to apologize for this.  It is time for something new and different.  It is time for me to actively create the life I want even if that means making some tough decisions.