I make no apologies...

There are so many things I want to write about tonight and I've been kicking myself the last two days at giving myself away.  Yesterday evening I came home and was really excited to share something, but I allowed myself to get sidetracked and distracted by being there for others and the internet.  

I make no apologies for where I'm at in my life right now to anyone.  Not to my partners in class, not to my parents, not to my friends, to no one.  And I have to say I think this speaks to me getting comfortable in my own skin and owning and honoring my boundaries.  It took me a long time to learn this lesson firsthand, but I have limits.  My energy has limits.  My body has limits.  I'm no longer interested in taking on or being on the receiving end of other people's drama.  If another person doesn't want to take care of him or herself that is his or her business.  If another person is not interested in living up to their potential and wants to stay in the land of excuses and fear that is their business.  I've been reminded in the last 6 weeks of who the friends who are truly active in my life are, who the friends are who are more in the background, who the energy drainers are, who the energy givers are, and who just is not so much in my eyes a friend as an acquaintance.  I've also come to see through my feeling state who the people are that I'm willing to roll up my sleeves with and do the work that friendships and long-term relationships require at times, and who I'm not going to go there with.  Love in friendship in my opinion doesn't happen instantly.  Real depth in friendship for me is borne out of a long history and after weathering some storms.  People who are quick to connect with me and tell me they love me and want a lot of my time nowadays are something I'm always a little weary and hesitant about.

In the last few weeks I've started setting stricter limits with people, opting out of conversations that I can feel are heading down the route of therapy or coaching, standing up for myself and pointing out at times when the conversation has been one-sided and the other person did not once ask about the major things happening in my life.  Has my friend landscape changed?  Yup.  And I don't think this is a bad thing.  

This lame post is a great example of what happens when I give my energy away to others and don't look out for myself first.  I need a break from the needy people in my life.  And I make no apology for saying this.  Life is too short to live it by always taking care of others' needs.  Life is too short to live it in a constant state of reaction to external stimuli.  It is at the beginning and end of the day each individual's responsibility to take care of his and her own mental health.  That means for some finding a therapist or a coach or a religious leader they can turn to for guidance and support, not utilizing your friends repeatedly for these services.  And I make no apologies for saying this.