I'm tired.  Me and 5 hours of sleep don't mix that well.  But I'm relieved to get some validation from my coach on my frustrations.  And more importantly I'm relieved to hear her say to keep on walking down my own path, regardless of what others want from me.  I feel more resolute in my determination after my last post to stop supporting friendships in my life that don't feel right.

The truth is there are only so many minutes a day now that I want to spend looking back at my past.  I'm not as steeped in it as I once used to be.  And there is only so much I want to change position every single day from the new place I am in to turn and face back and revisit those past issues through other people's struggles with similar things.  I didn't get to where I'm at solely because of my friends or family.  I got here partly due to them and their support, partly due to my own efforts, and partly due to my ability to go out and seek the help professionally I desired.  This isn't the way for everyone I know, but it is the way that worked for me.

What I'm seeking from other people and clearly not getting is support.  I don't need other people's opinions about how I need to get married, be having sex, start dating, etc.  In fact, just thinking about this makes me angry.  Because the people who say these things to me are people who profess that they are close to me...except they aren't REALLY thinking about what is going on in my life right now.  I don't need to start dating; I don't have to be having sex right now; I don't have to be getting married.  Every single person who says this shit to me...it is 100% about them.  It is about their own issues.  That is clear because on the path I'm on it is clear that I'm supposed to be doing EXACTLY what I'm doing right now.  And any person in my life who is not actively asking about the things that are happening in my life beyond how are you and then launching into their own life issues is not really asking or interested in me and my life.  They need a sounding board for themselves and as my coach said if not me, then they will find another person to be that for them.  I'm tired of the past.  I lived in that place for a long time.  I can't concentrate on it anymore.  Don't people want something better for their lives?  I know I do and spending time in this place is not the way for me to get it.