Over the hump

Maybe the hook that kept me so attached to past relationships even after they ended were that the one or two men this happened with had qualities that I wanted within myself.  But the strongest thing I could do for myself was to develop those very qualities within me and stop seeking them from the men I dated.  This cleaning up process on the inside and outside all at once is taxing on me and because I like to talk through things a lot I bet it is taxing on my friends as well.  I would apologize for that, but why?  This is who I am. I'm not going to feel ashamed about it.  I can sit here tonight and admit here that I realized this weekend I made a mistake in the first few weeks of class when I automatically discounted most of the classmates without getting to know them.

I could say that I'm like everyone else, but I'm not.  Neither are you.  If I took 10 of my friends and put them in the exact same situation each person would respond differently.  It is the very thing that makes psychology and people so interesting to me.  Sometimes nowadays when I'm watching something that moves me on TV or reading something that relates to this something is stirred deep within me and I feel a warmth, a recognition that is the right field for me to be in.  And when that happens I think of someone I once dated who while supportive in his own way, didn't believe in therapy or coaching or any such related work.  And some part of me now thinks people like this are idiots to think that the human mind, that a human being is not complex.  If changing people's behaviors were so easy all these industries would not exist.

I've been complaining a lot the last few weeks about my class experience.  But I can feel I've gotten over the hump now.  I know what to do to ask for what I need from the instructors and I've identified how I'm going to participate in the online forum.  My partner and I have even had a honest conversation about boundaries, trust, and our varying experiences in the class and how that is going to impact our working relationship.  I feel a lot better about things now.  But the class, the work I'm doing, all the changes coupled with my depression is taking its toll on me.  In my own coaching I've learned that as you start to change and lose patience for certain behaviors within yourself you also lose patience for those same behaviors in the people around you.  How do you take this very personal, challenging, tiring experience and explain it to your friends?  How do you also not feel isolated from them when they can't understand or when they choose not to work on things in their lives or they work on them in a different way than you may understand?

I thought maybe I'm being too needy in seeking support from my friends, but I don't feel bad about it.  Mensa Girl with The Thing and Uh My Gawd are the only close friends since class started who despite their busy lives remember to check in and see how things are going.  I'm thankful for their support.