A list that needed to be written

I'm really tired and I think my body is spent on my lack of sleep last night, the emotional highs from today's events, and all the vegetables and fruits I've been putting inside it lately and just needs rest.  But it is important to me...for me that I record something in this space.  As it is after 3am it will just have to be a list of the bare essentials.  Thank you to the 2.5 blog readers I currently have who email me saying they enjoy my lists.

1.  Took my guts, instinct, intuition and moved forward on a major decision today.  I wanted to write about it in this space, but an interaction with a nosy extended family member who continually pushed and pushed to try to get me to tell her what the decision was has honestly made me grab a tighter hold of it and want to pull it back safe into my shell and protect and keep this dream so to speak quiet.  It isn't a big deal to most people probably, but I hold this decision and what it represents to me in great value.  As my blog is a public blog and technically anyone could find it (meaning nosy, gossipy extended family members) I'm going to keep mum right now in this space.  The important thing to know is that I made a decision which is movement forward for me.  GO ME!

2.  I picked up my first Basis delivery today.  So far I have been enjoying the foods I've eaten and think it is a good deal.  Clearly they are still working out some of the small kinks, but everyone I've talked to there has been really nice and helpful.  In the last 8 hours I've put apples, blueberries, rice, and kale into my tummy.  How healthy of me.

3.  There was something that was bugging me a tiny bit with a close friend, but debated whether to even raise it with her.  Instead I framed it as why is this bothering me so much?  What is it about this situation that is activating a reaction or thinking about it?  And when I heard from the friend I just raised it in what I think was a casual way.  I listened to what the friend had to say and took it in without any judgment or anger.  (In the past I think those things would have been there.  Just in writing that last sentence the thought occurred to me "God I am changing.  Who will I be without my judgment and anger?"  Hmmm...very interesting thought!)  And then I moved on with the conversation.  My friend was gracious and generous in her concern and this little thing became a non-issue.  I sorta think this is a little bit of a big deal for me for some reason.

4.  I am really taking my parents for granted right now and a lot lately.....avoiding all the incessant conversations and questions they have with me about finding a steady job in a traditional setting and how I need to find a man and get married.  This HAS to change.  Life is so random that I can't miss out on my chance to have experiences and strengthen my relationship with them.

5.  Because of #1 I have to read 3 books in the next 8 days and then do a long and very introspective writing assignment.  I've become such a slow reader that this is making me a little worried, but overall I think I will be okay somehow.

6.  I took the information I had in #1 and only shared it with specific people in my life.  This is the first step in that journey and it took a long time to get to this place so for the first few months I feel I need to hold this sacred and only share it with those people who are supportive and respectful of me.  The naysayers can wait on the other side of the door right now.  This safe place is not open for business (or their criticisms and judgments) right now.

7.  Daily I see how many free resources and information there is online to start your own business, change your life, overcome one's depression or struggle with something.  This is something I really want to take advantage of.  Speaking of this I just received an email from a friend about Justice at Harvard.  The video on the home page is totally worth checking out.  I'm excited to watch the episodes.

8.  I've started using iCal to keep my schedule, the To Do list that I refer to, loading my photos and videos on my new computer and cleaning out my huge inbox.  Almost halfway done!

9.  I don't know why, but I continue to be drawn to and purchase clothes from these outdoorsy type stores like Patagonia.  Hmm....  (French Fry is now going to email me and continue her campaign for me to move to Seattle!)

10.  Have been setting limits with people who are draining me.  The more I set the limit for one, the more that person continues to reach out.  I don't get it, but I'm standing my ground.  The most important thing in this situation is me respecting my boundaries and my need at this time to be around positive people who don't project their personal baggage onto me.

11.  I posted a question on Facebook yesterday asking people for examples of times when making a major decision involved taking a big leap of faith in themselves and the world around them and received 4 honest, detailed, gorgeous responses.  Whenever I've been really down one of the things I think of that even I can't devalue or talk myself out of are all the wonderful friends I have in my life.  Some go all the way back to childhood, others I've only known virtually through their blog writings and through Facebook, and still others were strangers until Craigslist/college/something united us.  The outpouring of support I received today made me feel good because I felt that the people I had shared my good news with honored it with the respect and esteem I was holding it in.  And in the same extent I also feel like for the first time in a long time I wasn't thirsty for this, I didn't NEED anyone's affirmation.  I just wanted to tell people because I was really excited about things.  I think this is a little step in a different direction.

12.  For the past week I've started writing down the lessons I'm learning as well as my dreams and topics for my own personal work.  It seems to be getting easier the more I continually make it a habit to use writing as a way to process things, but once in a while I do get lazy and tired and don't do it.

13.  For the last week I have no idea why, but when I start to fade into sleep I continually have this image of me holding a baby against my chest.  I don't consciously go there and think of this.  It just pops up from time to time.  Hmm...what is that about?