I wish I had an image that captured the magical quality that I feel weaving its thread connecting my days.  I am mesmerized by this image.  Something about it is pure and clean and alive.  When you take a step off of the path you're bumbling along and step onto the path your inner voice is ushering you towards it feels like your lungs open up and you can breathe deeper...I feel freer.  There are things I want to write here, but I'm too scared to utter the whispers inside me out loud.  I can't seem to get this post started so today is just going to be a list of things I'm celebrating for myself.  Before lifting off you have to get all your gear in order right?  That is how I see these things.

1.  I contacted a classmate of mine with whom I'm not having the optimal experience.  I've been avoiding dealing with this situation, putting it off for a few weeks.  I could have easily sent an email and walked away, but I didn't feel that behavior had any integrity in it.  So I called her and presented to her how I was feeling.  She was receptive to hearing it and we spoke again a few days later.  I think the conversation was an example and exercise in honesty and integrity in an emotionally intimate situation.  I owned my part in our dynamic and took responsibility for what I did that offended her.  I would write more here, but I feel that isn't respectful of the private conversation she and I had.  We're going to speak again this weekend and hopefully finish up clearing the space and move forward.  I am cautiously optimistic about things at this point.  And I'm proud of myself for taking a step towards fear instead of running away from it as I easily could have done.

2.  Scent can have such a powerful effect on my mood.  Last year a friend introduced me to Fresh.  I picked up a free sample of their Sugar fragrance and was hooked.  I love wearing it.  It smells clean and inviting without being overpowering.

3.  Last week I had practicum training for my course.  I was dreading this call as it was being taught by the instructor who I felt humiliated by in the past.  Personally I wish someone would time how many minutes she speaks and how many minutes students get to speak cause it seems like she does A LOT of talking even though we're the ones who are supposed to be coaching.  Anyway, I didn't have to perform that day.  Despite she and I being like oil and water I asked questions when they arose.  Her answers were always the same spiel over and over.  I swear..do they say memorize this speech and just keep repeating it and people will believe you?

At the end of the call a peer opened up about a fear she had in starting her business.  The instructor responded and then I jumped in (ever the instructor) and said hey..this is just an idea so you can take it or leave it, but how about when you take that next step that you're scared of taking you tell us in the class message boards so that we can celebrate your success.  This was received well by the instructor and the student.  A few days later I received an email from this peer thanking me for supporting her.  It was nice to get that I have to say.  It is the first email I have received from any student in class.

4.  Last week I happened to be in the neighborhood where Basis is located.  So I decided to stop in personally to restart my subscription.  I asked them to add yogurt to my order and all of a sudden I found myself being given containers and containers of free yogurt from different creameries.  I spent some time talking to the people there who were telling me more about how Basis is expanding and then took my yogurt, blueberries, and plums home.  I never expected stopping by would result in all these goodies coming home with me.

5.  A few weeks ago while at Borders 4 blocks from my place I noticed that Chris Guillebeau was scheduled to speak in September.  I recently posted something about how sometimes being the non-conformist sucks cause it means I'm alone.  And then I saw the title of the book Chris was in New York to promote: The Art of Non-Conformity.  So I got off my butt and went to see Chris speak.  If you like to travel, or if you don't like adhering to the status quo way of life, or if you are trying to set up a small business read Chris' blog.

6.  Jonathan Fields introduced Chris at the book signing and shared a concept called the Zillion Sum Game that Jonathan Unger had shared with him in conversation.  This concept is a counterpoint to the scary idea that life is a zero sum game.  It lined up with some things in my class so I was excited to learn more about it.  To no avail.  So I befriended Jonathan Fields on Facebook and asked him directly about it.  To which he responded that he had just written a blog post about this very topic.  I shared this link in the class forum.  How many students responded?  1.  1 frickin student.  And the head of the program responded.  They both loved the concept and totally agreed that it was in line with what we were learning.  As for the other 50 or so people...whatever.

7.  A friend shared a story about someone from my past.  It was unexpected and I was a little surprised to hear it.  Like a wound that is healing it pressed on that place slightly and yet it didn't hurt as much as it used to.  Something about the story released me.  I haven't fixated on it as I would have before.  I'm thankful not to have that presence in my life anymore.

8.  I returned home on Tuesday to see a No Parking sign attached to the street sign right outside my building informing us that one of my favorite shows White Collar was going to be filming here.  Awesome!  I was excited.  So at 5am I went downstairs to investigate, but there were only a few people setting up.  At noon I went outside to discover signs leading to the set.  They were shooting in the parking lot area of the former Tavern on the Green.  I saw most of the cast, but almost missed seeing Matt Bomer because for once he was dressed in jeans.  They were just rehearsing and the sun was blazing so I stayed for a few minutes and left.  It was somewhat boring actually.  And yes Matt Bomer is cute in person.

If you watch the show you know that this week was the final episode until January and the cliffhanger was sad.  If you haven't seen the finale episode stop reading here.  SPOILER ALERT:  Obviously Mozzie getting shot cannot end his life.  Willie Garson's character adds the comic relief to this show and he makes a great sidekick from the criminal part of Neal's life.  Here is a 2 minute clip of Willie Garson talking about working with Matt Bomer.

7.  I cleaned out my fridge (it was not as scary as I thought...well, except for the crisper drawer!) and cleaned and chopped and bagged all of my Basis deliveries.  What a relief.  It was so easy to just come home the next day and start cooking.  I discovered after cooking last night that I'm a fan of purple potatoes, patty pan squash and still not a fan of eggplant.

8.  Every article of clothing that sat in the ever-growing pile on the floor in my apartment has been washed.  I never thought I had a lot of clothes, but apparently I do as I can go for a long time wearing clean clothes while the laundry basket fills up.

9.  I went through the binders we were sent for class page-by-page.  There are a number of personal exercises in there which aren't bad.  There is also a lot of FILLER material which is crap in my opinion as they are just excerpts from the books we were required to purchase and read anyway.  Lame with a capital L.

10.  This summer I saw the work of Rawtoastdesign at the Renegade Craft Fair in Brooklyn.  One print in particular struck me, but in an effort to be fiscally conservative I did not purchase it.  I was recently looking at the print on the artist's website and thinking about it again.  And then on Facebook a few days later the artist Jesse Kuhn wrote about a project he was asking for our support on.  If we voted for a particular school on Facebook in some contest to receive funding and sent him a screen shot of this we could pick out a free print from his store!!!!  Done and Done!  Awesome.  You can check out his prints for sale here.

11.  A blogger whose site I've followed for a few years and whose art sits framed next to my bed on my bookcase is coming to NYC is a few weeks.  I may have the opportunity to meet her...if I can get out of my dumb class on time.  (Last week class ran over by 40 minutes!)  If you want to read a blog that has gorgeous images and writing and whereupon reading it from start to finish you witness one woman's journey, transformation, healing, grieving, moving forward click here.

12.  Had powerful sessions with both my therapist and my coach.  For the first time in as long as I can remember they both told me they were proud of me.  I'm glad in a world where everyone is too self-absorbed (me included) to really sit and consider another's situation that someone seems to be really seeing me.

Good stuff happening...

I keep keeping on today despite my bad lower back pain.  I'm feeling a little determined to not allow this pain to ruin my getting things done today and I'm determined not to respond as usual by just letting the day get away from me and stewing in my physical discomfort.  I have some exciting news to report.  Well, come to think of it you may not think it is exciting, but it is exciting to me.  

1.  I have a doctor's appointment this week just to get my annual check up.  Well, it is convenient that I made this appointment weeks ago cause now I can talk to her about my back pain.  But I'm really glad that I finally made an appt. with the doctor for a regular check up and am getting more conscious about taking care of my health.

2.  I went and bought patches, creams, etc. for my back and have been using them.  In addition, I've been taking medicine to counteract the pain.  This makes me happy because in the past I've been slow to respond or do anything and I just whined about it and didn't do much to help it go away faster.  What a bad sentence that was.  Too tired to change it now.

3.  In the last three days I've been eating tons of bok choy and plums and tomatoes.  Yes, I got my Basis delivery of fruits and veggies.  Have to figure out what I'm cooking for dinner tonight.  I've also been eating some bad stuff like Munchos, Ruffles, and Milano cookies.  What?!  Change takes awhile.  :)

4.  When I reached out to my partners in class asking for their thoughts on whether we ought to be working together more as this is what the instructors recommend every week I never heard back as I think the partners were both away for a few days.  So I tried again instead of getting mad and giving up. They responded and we had a call this week.  To be honest it was just ok.  I think they are wonderful, nice, smart women.  But I just don't click with them.  I continue to be disappointed by this.  At one point I mentioned that I am thinking of not becoming a coach anymore and one responded saying I sound "discouraged."  Duh.  And yet there were no words of encouragement given.  That is fine because I get that from other places.  But I know that were the roles reversed I would have given that encouragement to them because when they have been discouraged I have always made it a point to step up and provide support.  And I've even followed that support up with an email after.  So maybe something about me turns them off, maybe I'm too harsh or blunt for them, or too critical about class, but frankly I like my style a lot more than their style.  One of the other partners told us something which clearly sounds like a conflict of interest and we pointed that out to her in a joking manner and started laughing.  She seemed to get instantly defensive.  I thought later about emailing her to make sure she wasn't offended by our responses, but then I realized I would just be doing that to be nice, not because I truly cared so I decided against it.  Why feed into her hypersensitiveness?  If she has an issue she can raise it with me.  She has shown in the past she struggles to raise things and I have had to raise them for her.  Screw that.  That is her business, I have my own business to work on.

5.  Finally burned my first DVD of home movies and gave it to my parents.

6.  Have decided to stay in my current apartment and renew my lease.  Now just have to get the guts to ask for some of the changes I want made to the apartment.

7.  Realized today while thinking about where I was when I started working with my therapist and where I am/we are today in our work together.  I wonder why more people don't go to therapy.

8.  Slowly pushing myself little by little to reorganize my place.  

9.  Opening up more and more about the real fears and anxieties I have.  I think this is the way to walk through them and leave them behind me.

10.  3 friends of mine in the last week told me they think I'm going to be a good coach.  We weren't talking about coaching, I didn't ask them for feedback, they just randomly said it to me in the middle of a conversation about other topics.  Unbeknownst to them for the last two weeks I've started to think that maybe I'm not going to be a coach professionally as my experiences in class have been disappointing and frustrating so it was interesting to hear this from them.

A list that needed to be written

I'm really tired and I think my body is spent on my lack of sleep last night, the emotional highs from today's events, and all the vegetables and fruits I've been putting inside it lately and just needs rest.  But it is important to me...for me that I record something in this space.  As it is after 3am it will just have to be a list of the bare essentials.  Thank you to the 2.5 blog readers I currently have who email me saying they enjoy my lists.

1.  Took my guts, instinct, intuition and moved forward on a major decision today.  I wanted to write about it in this space, but an interaction with a nosy extended family member who continually pushed and pushed to try to get me to tell her what the decision was has honestly made me grab a tighter hold of it and want to pull it back safe into my shell and protect and keep this dream so to speak quiet.  It isn't a big deal to most people probably, but I hold this decision and what it represents to me in great value.  As my blog is a public blog and technically anyone could find it (meaning nosy, gossipy extended family members) I'm going to keep mum right now in this space.  The important thing to know is that I made a decision which is movement forward for me.  GO ME!

2.  I picked up my first Basis delivery today.  So far I have been enjoying the foods I've eaten and think it is a good deal.  Clearly they are still working out some of the small kinks, but everyone I've talked to there has been really nice and helpful.  In the last 8 hours I've put apples, blueberries, rice, and kale into my tummy.  How healthy of me.

3.  There was something that was bugging me a tiny bit with a close friend, but debated whether to even raise it with her.  Instead I framed it as why is this bothering me so much?  What is it about this situation that is activating a reaction or thinking about it?  And when I heard from the friend I just raised it in what I think was a casual way.  I listened to what the friend had to say and took it in without any judgment or anger.  (In the past I think those things would have been there.  Just in writing that last sentence the thought occurred to me "God I am changing.  Who will I be without my judgment and anger?"  Hmmm...very interesting thought!)  And then I moved on with the conversation.  My friend was gracious and generous in her concern and this little thing became a non-issue.  I sorta think this is a little bit of a big deal for me for some reason.

4.  I am really taking my parents for granted right now and a lot lately.....avoiding all the incessant conversations and questions they have with me about finding a steady job in a traditional setting and how I need to find a man and get married.  This HAS to change.  Life is so random that I can't miss out on my chance to have experiences and strengthen my relationship with them.

5.  Because of #1 I have to read 3 books in the next 8 days and then do a long and very introspective writing assignment.  I've become such a slow reader that this is making me a little worried, but overall I think I will be okay somehow.

6.  I took the information I had in #1 and only shared it with specific people in my life.  This is the first step in that journey and it took a long time to get to this place so for the first few months I feel I need to hold this sacred and only share it with those people who are supportive and respectful of me.  The naysayers can wait on the other side of the door right now.  This safe place is not open for business (or their criticisms and judgments) right now.

7.  Daily I see how many free resources and information there is online to start your own business, change your life, overcome one's depression or struggle with something.  This is something I really want to take advantage of.  Speaking of this I just received an email from a friend about Justice at Harvard.  The video on the home page is totally worth checking out.  I'm excited to watch the episodes.

8.  I've started using iCal to keep my schedule, the To Do list that I refer to, loading my photos and videos on my new computer and cleaning out my huge inbox.  Almost halfway done!

9.  I don't know why, but I continue to be drawn to and purchase clothes from these outdoorsy type stores like Patagonia.  Hmm....  (French Fry is now going to email me and continue her campaign for me to move to Seattle!)

10.  Have been setting limits with people who are draining me.  The more I set the limit for one, the more that person continues to reach out.  I don't get it, but I'm standing my ground.  The most important thing in this situation is me respecting my boundaries and my need at this time to be around positive people who don't project their personal baggage onto me.

11.  I posted a question on Facebook yesterday asking people for examples of times when making a major decision involved taking a big leap of faith in themselves and the world around them and received 4 honest, detailed, gorgeous responses.  Whenever I've been really down one of the things I think of that even I can't devalue or talk myself out of are all the wonderful friends I have in my life.  Some go all the way back to childhood, others I've only known virtually through their blog writings and through Facebook, and still others were strangers until Craigslist/college/something united us.  The outpouring of support I received today made me feel good because I felt that the people I had shared my good news with honored it with the respect and esteem I was holding it in.  And in the same extent I also feel like for the first time in a long time I wasn't thirsty for this, I didn't NEED anyone's affirmation.  I just wanted to tell people because I was really excited about things.  I think this is a little step in a different direction.

12.  For the past week I've started writing down the lessons I'm learning as well as my dreams and topics for my own personal work.  It seems to be getting easier the more I continually make it a habit to use writing as a way to process things, but once in a while I do get lazy and tired and don't do it.

13.  For the last week I have no idea why, but when I start to fade into sleep I continually have this image of me holding a baby against my chest.  I don't consciously go there and think of this.  It just pops up from time to time.  Hmm...what is that about?

My neighborhood

The window of Lululemon Athletica in my neighborhood

Chocolate chip cookies at Europan

I shot these while standing in the long line waiting for my cup of not good (but not awful) Hazelnut coffee.  I still think there is no great take-out coffee on the Upper West Side.

I love this shot.  There is something symbolic about it to me.

My trip to Chelsea Market

Don't these cupcakes look yummy?

This is a cake!

Look how big this lobster was!

Here's what's been happening...

I had a busy weekend.  Friday I met up with an old friend from college I hadn't seen in over  a decade.   I even wore a dress!  (I heard your gasp.)  We went to Schiller's Liquor Bar where the decibel level is so high you have to wonder if people go there specifically not to hear what the person sitting across from them is saying.  Normally I love the steak frites here, but I think our waitress in her overwhelmed state put in the wrong order for how I wanted it made and it wasn't that great which sucked because that was a part of the reason I chose that place.  I don't think I'm going back there any time soon.  Saturday I spent the afternoon at the Brooklyn Botanic Garden for the Hanami.  I have always wanted to go here, so it was nice to finally check it out.  I had fun with my friends and our cameras.   I've posted some of the images above.  Saturday night I was excited to eat at the new addition to the David Chang Momofuku empire: Má Pêche.  The main dining room is still not open for business, but they are serving in the bar area.  I wanted to love their cocktails, but as I'm not a big drinker the ca plane pour moi (macchu pisco, pear william, aperol, maraschino, lime juice) was lost on me.  However, my friends who like to drink loved their drinks.  I will go back there to order the Calamansi lemonade which was yummy.  We had the moules bouchot au bia (mussels, crab paste, beer)....they were huge but I wasn't in love with them.  Next was the ôc sên sauvage (wild burgundy snails, pork sausage, garlic, tarragon) which I really didn't appreciate as I'm not in love with pork the way one ought to be to eat at a David Chang restaurant.  The côtelletes de porc (pork ribs, lemongrass caramel) were something I would consider ordering again.  I know, I know...this is blasphemy that I do not show pork the reverence that Chang and Anthony Bourdain do.  I did love the chou-fleur chiên (fried cauliflower, curry, mint, fish sauce) which was airy and amazing.  And I liked their version of steak frites which included rice fries which tasted like popcorn.  There is a second location of Milk Bar opening here as well.  When we asked to order dessert all they could offer us was the cheese plate which we didn't want.  But when we were leaving they very quietly whispered to us that the four wrapped cookies at the front entrance were for us.  That was really sweet of them.  I wasn't a big fan of the cookies though cause I don't think adding tons of sugar to something makes it better.  Next I went to meet up with a new friend at The Modern.  I made a conscious decision that night that I wasn't going to skip meeting up with this new acquaintance to appease my dinner party which is something I would have done in the past.  I have a clearly defined goal of meeting new people and making new friends and I'm not going to let other people's issues mar that.  Sunday I spent the afternoon and late into the evening helping friends unpack and set up their new apartment.  I came home feeling grateful for my life.

The good news is that I've spent more time being than thinking which is a good place for me to be.  I received some really good health news on Monday which completely made my day.  And then I insisted to a good friend of mine that I come to see her to surprise her with all these nice dresses I had taken from another friend of mine who was donating them to the Salvation Army.  I've come to find every day when I do something nice for someone it makes me feel good.  Monday night I sat down and started revamping my resume.  This is such a big deal that the fact that I was able to sit and do this for more than 15 minutes is pretty monumental.  I finished it up on Tuesday and took it to my therapy appointment to show that I had met a goal that we had established.   It is very important for me at this stage to have people I can share these successes with.  And what I realized yet again this week is that there are few people I interact with on a daily basis that I can do that with.  The people I interact with online daily tend not to be effusive in the way that I want someone to be about these kinds of steps that are a big deal for me.  For the most part I think I tend to be like this for them, but I don't receive it in return in the way I desire.  I take that back a little bit...French Fry is like this...she understands how big a deal this is and I love her for taking the time to acknowledge and celebrate this with me.  But she is also one of 4 women who are like this with me...one of 4 women who either don't live in the same state as me or they do but we don't interact on a daily basis.  I also went running Tuesday morning...by this I mean I ran for 3 minutes in Central Park and then decided to go get a latte and croissant.  :)  This running thing just isn't catching on.  Ugh.  Last night I went to Ali Baba for Turkish food.  It was yummy! 

So amidst all these activities some things have happened that have pissed me off or annoyed me.  I've come to experience in the last few days that when you are getting to a place of balance and equilibrium you have to guard it quite closely.  Maintaining the newly found balance you're trying to achieve involves being able to set limits with not just yourself and your own bad habits, but with others and their issues/habits/needs.  So one of the new limits I'm setting for myself is that I'm no longer taking any phone calls from my friends after midnight unless it is an emergency.  My sleep schedule is now regulated and when that is challenged (as it has been recently) I feel resentful and unhappy because nothing that needs to be discussed in that late-night phone call is urgent enough that it can't be discussed the next day at a regular hour.  I resent having to get less sleep or screw up the following day of my life to satiate another person's anxiety.  I'm also tired of men that are all about themselves.   I asked for men with integrity to show up and they have and that is wonderful.  But now it is time for men to show up in my life that aren't all about themselves.  Most of the men in my life who call me spend the majority of the conversation talking all about their lives...they have a need to be heard or they need their anxiety assuaged or they are just emotionally selfish people maybe.  I personally don't know, but I also personally don't care.  Next!  I've come to think that more than one person in my life may possibly utilize my friendship with him/her as a place to talk about things/belabor things/workout things in his/her life that should be done with a therapist/coach/religious leader/etc.  It is one thing to bounce things off a friend, but when your friend is the only place you go to discuss this over and over again...I'm starting to resent that.  And I finally realize why.  When I became aware that something was wrong and I needed a place to talk about it outside of my family and friends I took the initiative and went and found a place to discuss these things.  This wasn't something that was supported in my culture, family, etc., but I did it anyway for myself.  And I was young when I did this...we're not talking I was an adult in NYC doing this.  If I was able to take this step back then I believe anyone can do this.  I also believe it is an individual's responsibility to take care of his/her emotional health.  I know people who take care of their financial health, their professional lives, and yet these people do not put the same level of effort into their emotional health.  They have been "thinking" about finding a therapist/coach for a while and don't seem to ever actually do it or they just choose not to really dig in and work on the recurring issue in their life that they continually want to discuss with me.  So enough.  It is not my job to forgo my priorities and goals and put off attaining them to help these people.  I've come to find that I can tell when I'm overextending myself with people and from now on I'm consciously going to stop doing this.  

In the last week I've come to understand that the people in my life that I most adore are all people who are just as generous with their time and efforts with me as I am to others.  These are the relationships that I want to continue to cultivate and pour my attention into.  This whole process of shedding and starting anew is continual.  I've identified that I have no space in my life anymore for direly insecure and/or self-absorbed men.  Those relationships require me to manage them as I have a tendency to want to help and then I feel drained and resentful.  Old pattern that repeats itself...time to break it.

Zingerman's

I was reminded of all the shopping and meals I had at Zingerman's when I lived in Ann Arbor.  I still have a soft spot in my heart for this place.  In my window shopping I came across many items I wanted to order, but decided instead to honor my financial goals and refrain.  Just reading about the item below though makes my mouth water....two of my favorite things combined in one!

Chocolate Covered Clementines
(Image source)

What I've been up to...

Hello dear blog:

Sorry that I have been neglecting you.  I have been busy getting a lot of things done and trying my hand at some new things.  I have thought of you often and written you letters in my head, but then at the end of the day when I sit down to write have not felt the compulsion to do so.  I think partly I wonder dear blog who really reads you.  And also more and more I am yearning to find what I want in front of me and not just through blog-land.  I should make a list of all the new and fun things I've been doing since December 30th of 2009.  Let me see if I can remember:

1.  Started running this week.  Don't fall over in the chair you're sitting in right now.  You did actually read the word "running," although right now it is a combo of running and walking.  Feeling some apprehension at all the people who have invited me to run with them.  How does one run with someone and talk to them at the same time??  I can barely run by myself.  Right now I just run by myself and count to pace myself and notice things like how men should not wear running tights cause it doesn't disguise their ahem...anatomy so well.  The running tights and casual pants I bought from Lululemon are so comfortable.  I love them both.

2.  Went to the Whitney Museum of American Art for the first time to see the Georgia O'Keeffe exhibition.  It was beautiful.  I wanted to wrap myself up in the colors she used in her paintings. 

3.  Saw author and former lawyer Dan Pink speak at Barnes & Noble.  He is funny.  I really like the video that he posted on his blog recently.

Two questions that can change your life from Daniel Pink on Vimeo.

4.  Finally after much hunting found some beautiful Compendium books I wanted and bought them at Therapie New York which I discovered to be a lovely store for household essentials and movie tickets as well.  Plus the owner or manager of the place gave me a bunch of free samples and a free journal...which I had totally forgotten about until this moment and is now going in my bag to be used for a project I am working on! 

5.  FINALLY framed all my photographs and artwork.  Now I just have to hang them.

6.  Took a chance and met up with an acquaintance from college I always wanted to hang out with.  She was the kind of girl I always wanted to be in college.  It was fun for one night, but clearly we're different people.  I'm glad I went though and pushed myself to try something new.  We went to 5 bars and lounges in one night.  It was great to go to a bunch of new places and also a good reminder of why I don't go to some of these places in the first place...cause having a drunk man ask you what your New Year's resolutions are over and over again in a 5 minute period gets old REAL fast...that and having to find a way to politely duck a guy who is trying to hit on you or a guy who is spending a lot of time talking to you when he clearly has a wedding ring on his finger is annoying.  That and not one of the places we went to was interesting enough to go back to a second time...notice how I haven't mentioned any of the places here.

7.  I finally went to The Modern bar at MOMA which I've been wanting to go to for a long time.  The Alsatian Tarte Flambee there is yummy!  I don't normally like bacon, but the combination of creme fraiche, onions, and applewood smoked bacon was good.  So is the Girovita cocktail which is made of Aperol, Apricot Liqueur, Pimm's No. 1, Lemon, Cucumber & Mint..  I recommend it.

8.  Attended SciCafe's series at the American Museum of Natural History for drinks and a short talk on the Mysteries of the Congo.

9.  Enrolled in Susannah's Unravelling e-course on photography and writing...but....haven't actually started it yet.  I KNOW.  I will start it tomorrow I promise.

10.  Paid off a large loan.

11.  Said yes to my cousin to set me up with a guy she knows who looks cute, has hair, and could be interesting.

12.  Attempted to talk to an old college peer based on another college peer's recommendation, but he would like "A 160 IQ model who wants to make me happy."  I don't think I fit that description.  And the sad thing is the woman who was encouraging me to talk to this guy confirmed that he wasn't joking.  He is really looking for this.

13.  Bought and started using a 2010 daily planner.  As a former Type A person who then became someone who had no daily planner, Treo, or Outlook calendar I think this is step back into organization.

14.  Completed all my dentist appointments.  Don't have to go back until my annual cleaning in 3 months.  Yay!

15.  Tried some new restaurants:
Mario Batali's Lupa:  The Pork Shoulder was good.  The pasta with mussels boring and the Flor Prosecco was yummy!  A friend told me the roast chicken there is wonderful as well.  I would eat there again.

Meze Grill:  This place is nothing to write home about.  I had a falafel tonight from here and found it bland and boring.

at65 at Alice Tully Hall:  I think this might be a nice place to grab a cocktail before seeing a performance at Lincoln Center, but the food is underwhelming.  Save your 10 bucks and go eat somewhere else.

Tamarind:  It is so loud here you have to raise your voice to talk to the person sitting next to you.  Ugh.  And there is an air of pretention here that I find out of place.  The night I went there were very few desis there...maybe because some of us find the $4.75 price tag for a naan and their other prices annoying.  But the cocktails were good and some of the food was good, some not impressive, and some downright not good.  If you are going to charge $7 for Imli Rice (Tamarind Rice) it better be good.  They also screwed up the doggie bag situation and gave my vegetarian friends my non-vegetarian leftovers.  Their doggie bag tasted like a vegetable dish of peppers, eggplant, and TONS of mango achar.  I don't love this place as much as other people do.

16.  Realized I actually do have some people in my life that come from similar backgrounds as me that are employed in what I would consider non-traditional careers.  That is good cause now I can start a conversation with these people about this.

17.  Stuck to a boundary I had set with an old flame who tried to re-connect with me by posting on my Facebook wall.  Lame!  I didn't bother acknowledging or responding to what he wrote.

18.  Got a massage for the first time in years.  Discovered that in addition to wanting a quality massage I am unfortunately one of those women who likes the bells and whistles of a nice spa.

19.  Arranged for my parents' 36th wedding anniversary ahead of schedule this year instead of doing it at the 11th hour night before.

20.  Had my iPod looked at finally at the Apple store that opened in my neighborhood.  r.i.p. my iPod.  Having music to run to would be great though.  :(

21.  Started cooking again.  And I watched Julie & Julia which made me want to try to cook some of Julia Child's recipes.

22.  Visited with some old high school friends and parents of a friend of ours who passed away years ago from a chronic illness.

23.  Invited an out of town friend over to help me re-arrange my apartment.  Haven't had anyone over to my apartment in many months.  I'm going to correct this this year.

24.  Took care of an important financial investment in my future that in the past I would have put off doing for months. 

25.  Raised something on a coaching call today that helped me identify one of the things I'm missing and most seeking in 2010.  And as I write this post I realize that I have been writing on here for a long time about how I feel lost, confused, etc., but that I actually have a very good sense of what is important to me about how I want to conduct my life and what my priorities are.

The past week

It has been a busy, fun, adventurous week filled with events for the professional, friend, and love parts of my life.  I thought I would share some of it with you.

I went to meet a friend visiting from out of town at Madiba for South African food.  The company of my friend who I adore, the drinks (Kwaito made of rum, brown sugar, lime seltzer, sprite and fresh lime juice) and the appetizers (they serve samosas with achar instead of chutney) were great.  My roti dish was not so exciting (I felt like they defrosted some version of frozen naan and served me that), but then again what was I expecting ordering roti.  It wasn't going to be like mom's roti! 

Remember I mentioned that I was invited to a free introduction coaching seminar for this company which is headed up by a South Asian coach?  I feel somewhat conflicted about whether to name the company in this forum so at this point I will leave it out.  The reason being of course that this seminar was in my opinion not good and more importantly, NOT authentic.  I believe authenticity is very important in coaching.  As I am considering going into this profession I was interested to see someone of my racial background working in this field, but frankly after sitting through almost two and a half hours with this woman it just reinforced my concerns about this industry.  I learned what I would do differently, the importance of identifying your target audience and that apparently you can make a LOT of money in this field.  I didn't know that before.  She was selling and by selling I mean HARD-selling this weekend program for one weekend a month plus 3 months of small group follow-up coaching for something like $1595.  For all the hours of contact you will get if you break down this price per hour it is probably reasonable compared to other coach's hourly rate.  However, this whole session became like an infomercial where she slashed the price if we signed up that date, etc.  I calculated how much if you average the two prices and multiply that by the number of slots available her company makes every month off of these workshops.  $75,000!  That is a lot of money to make per month with a substandard product.  The coaching she did with the women in the audience wasn't close to amazing.  Amidst some of her suggestions were reading If Life is a Game, Here are the Rules by some author whose name I don't remember and who I don't care to look up or link the url to Amazon or her site.  I think there is a copy of this book at my parents' house.  It is some What I Learned in Kindergarten type of book.  Then she mentioned Deepak Chopra.  When her business partner or friend went to write his name on the board she mispelled it.  Then she raised her hand 5 minutes later to say she mispelled it and spelled it again...mispelling it in another way again.  If you're going to recommend people to read maybe you should at least work on getting their names right, no?  The coach asked if anyone had looked at her website and two of us out of 70 (don't people research things before committing their time to it) raised our hands.  Turned out the first person was a friend of hers so she said that didn't count, then she turned to me and said oh A, I know A.  I quizzically looked at my friend next to me and said she doesn't know me, I've never met or heard of her before.  WTF?  Then when asked by a woman if she was offering any more free sessions as she didn't have the money right now to commit over a thousand dollars, the coach responded saying no cause I can't ignore my paying clients and frankly if you're not ready to pay you're not ready to change your life.  That made me mad.  Women didn't come there to be insulted.  And that comment was so rude.  It was a mess.  This woman needs to work on her own story before trying to coach others.  It was good for me to see another perspective and approach.  I know what I would do differently, what my target audience is, and at least one of the qualities that makes a good coach.  Maybe this is because I have a good coach myself and also because I'm learning I have a very set idea about how I want things done.  There is a way to provide good coaching without ripping people off financially.

A few days later based on a friendly recommendation I attended a workshop by Pamela Slim and Jonathan Fields.  It was the first place I ever said out loud I was thinking of being a coach.  It made me feel a little exposed, labelled and awkward.  I think for me the mere act of going was an action step.  I think this workshop is more for people who have their big idea an need help executing it.  It combined coaching with entrepreneurship and creative marketing.  I'm not doing it justice in that explanation.  I met a few interesting people and I got a copy of each of Pam and Jonathan's books.  I'm going to check out their blogs too.  They seemed like smart people who knew what they were talking about it.

That night I had a date with someone I met online that I was interested to meet.  Our online conversations had been funny and interesting.  I was going in not expecting too much, but then something he asked for specifically made me realize he was excited about the date too and then as the date got closer to happening I realized I was really nervous.  Turns out there was no need to be because the second he showed up I knew I was not physically attracted to him.  I think he lied about his height and he even looked like he weighed less than me (which is saying something since I'm skinny).  If it isn't there it isn't there and I can't force that type of attraction to happen.  He was nice and we had dinner, but I think the lack of interest was mutual.  I think there should be a penalty flag or card in dating just like they have in sports. If you meet the person and know quickly you aren't attracted to him or find that he misrepresented him or herself you should get to play the penalty card or throw down the flag and save time and exit the date.  This is the fifth first date I've been on lately and it is getting old in my opinion.  I've realized some things throughout this process, but I'll save those for another post.

Sunday I had brunch at Recipe which I loved.  I normally don't order eggs when I go out as I have a love-hate relationship with this food from childhood, but the Tomato and Buffalo Mozzarella Tart with basil pesto and black truffle oil, the artichoke and goat cheese omelette and my Nojito (Mojito with no liquor in it) were excellent.  I also finally registered for that UPenn Positive Psychology class taught by Harvard professor Tal-Ben Sharar.  I have to log into it tonight when I get home and start the lectures.

Monday I went to the US Open Women's Doubles Final and the Men's Singles Final.  It was a lot of fun.  I had never been in all my years in NYC.  It was an exciting match as Juan Martin del Potro upset Roger Federer.  We also watched the Williams sisters win the doubles championship.  That wasn't as exciting, except when the announcer tried to ask Serena directly about her outburst the day before and she completely ignored and dodged the question and Venus had to save her.  We also saw Jack Nicholson, Lorne Michaels, the Olsen sisters, Tony Bennett, Bruce Willis, Donald Trump and his wife, Gerard Butler, Former Mayor Dinkins, Christie Brinkley, Regis and Joy Philbin, and a woman from my class in college!  Then we went to Justin Timberlake's Southern Hospitality BBQ to eat and watched the end of the Bills-Patriots football game and the beginning of the Chargers-Raiders game.  I think I watched more sports that night than I have in a year!

Mango Lollipops

(Image source)

Yum! The arrogant Stefan made these on Top Chef the other night. I can't wait to try them out! Here is the recipe.

What brings me joy

Steak au Poivre from Les Halles

Image source

Green Falafel with Amba and S'rug from Taim

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The Barefoot Contessa show on the Food Network

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Today I'm craving:

Oysters
Papri chaat (To all my vegetarian friends I could not find a decent photo of papri chaat to post.)
Chicken and green sauce from Pio Pio Salon

My new favorite blog

(Photo Source: Smitten Kitchen)

Emma sent me the Smitten Kitchen blog yesterday and I'm in love. The photographs are vibrant with bold colors. I'm filled with such joy upon opening this site. I'm determined to recreate one of these cakes.

My Verdant Kale

This is a shout-out to one Oregonian thriver.

I sauteed some kale tonight for dinner. Little olive oil, garlic, Sriracha, and kale. As I tossed the kale around in the wok I thought about my introduction to it when I waitressed one summer in college at a chain restaurant where it was served steamed. It is quite bitter and in my eyes quite gross prepared this way. A few years later on one of my many grocery shopping excursions I decided to give it another try. I figured put in the hands of a wonderful, experienced cook like my mom maybe I would see it in a different way. Sure enough mom sauteed it with garlic, olive oil, and some soy sauce (I now use sea salt) and I fell in love with it.

I'm writing about kale as Day 1 of my weekly homework assignment about color. As I watched it cook I thought about how it was dark green, but with an ashy white color on the back of its leaves...but when sauteed the green lifts and turns from a dark forest green...so dark I forget at times it is a shade of green to a bright, more definite green, closer to the middle of the color wheel green. I'm feeling a corny metaphor coming on here. As the kale succumbs to the heat and wilts, giving up its former structure through its metamorphosis we experience its vibrancy and tastiness. I'm sure there is a lesson to be learned here about self-esteem and transformation. And that is the end of this episode of Reading Rainbow kids. Cue the NBC Star and the words "The More You Know".....

I'm such a smart ass sometimes :)

NPR's This I Believe

Something I enjoy each week is listening to the This I Believe segment on NPR. I usually find something new to consider in listening to the writer's essay. I've run my fingers quickly along the edge of the thought of writing an essay and submitting it myself, but I can't quite figure out what to write about.

The following essay "Strangers Bring Us Closer to Good" touched on many topics that resonated with me: religion, helping the mentally ill and food. Growing up in my house food equaled love. I have wonderful memories of waking up on Saturday mornings to the complex aromatic smells of Indian cooking, the sounds of rye seeds popping in oil, paranthas cooking, making fresh paneer, saag cooking over many hours, afternoon lassis, and mom's homemade kulfi.