I wish I had an image that captured the magical quality that I feel weaving its thread connecting my days.  I am mesmerized by this image.  Something about it is pure and clean and alive.  When you take a step off of the path you're bumbling along and step onto the path your inner voice is ushering you towards it feels like your lungs open up and you can breathe deeper...I feel freer.  There are things I want to write here, but I'm too scared to utter the whispers inside me out loud.  I can't seem to get this post started so today is just going to be a list of things I'm celebrating for myself.  Before lifting off you have to get all your gear in order right?  That is how I see these things.

1.  I contacted a classmate of mine with whom I'm not having the optimal experience.  I've been avoiding dealing with this situation, putting it off for a few weeks.  I could have easily sent an email and walked away, but I didn't feel that behavior had any integrity in it.  So I called her and presented to her how I was feeling.  She was receptive to hearing it and we spoke again a few days later.  I think the conversation was an example and exercise in honesty and integrity in an emotionally intimate situation.  I owned my part in our dynamic and took responsibility for what I did that offended her.  I would write more here, but I feel that isn't respectful of the private conversation she and I had.  We're going to speak again this weekend and hopefully finish up clearing the space and move forward.  I am cautiously optimistic about things at this point.  And I'm proud of myself for taking a step towards fear instead of running away from it as I easily could have done.

2.  Scent can have such a powerful effect on my mood.  Last year a friend introduced me to Fresh.  I picked up a free sample of their Sugar fragrance and was hooked.  I love wearing it.  It smells clean and inviting without being overpowering.

3.  Last week I had practicum training for my course.  I was dreading this call as it was being taught by the instructor who I felt humiliated by in the past.  Personally I wish someone would time how many minutes she speaks and how many minutes students get to speak cause it seems like she does A LOT of talking even though we're the ones who are supposed to be coaching.  Anyway, I didn't have to perform that day.  Despite she and I being like oil and water I asked questions when they arose.  Her answers were always the same spiel over and over.  I swear..do they say memorize this speech and just keep repeating it and people will believe you?

At the end of the call a peer opened up about a fear she had in starting her business.  The instructor responded and then I jumped in (ever the instructor) and said hey..this is just an idea so you can take it or leave it, but how about when you take that next step that you're scared of taking you tell us in the class message boards so that we can celebrate your success.  This was received well by the instructor and the student.  A few days later I received an email from this peer thanking me for supporting her.  It was nice to get that I have to say.  It is the first email I have received from any student in class.

4.  Last week I happened to be in the neighborhood where Basis is located.  So I decided to stop in personally to restart my subscription.  I asked them to add yogurt to my order and all of a sudden I found myself being given containers and containers of free yogurt from different creameries.  I spent some time talking to the people there who were telling me more about how Basis is expanding and then took my yogurt, blueberries, and plums home.  I never expected stopping by would result in all these goodies coming home with me.

5.  A few weeks ago while at Borders 4 blocks from my place I noticed that Chris Guillebeau was scheduled to speak in September.  I recently posted something about how sometimes being the non-conformist sucks cause it means I'm alone.  And then I saw the title of the book Chris was in New York to promote: The Art of Non-Conformity.  So I got off my butt and went to see Chris speak.  If you like to travel, or if you don't like adhering to the status quo way of life, or if you are trying to set up a small business read Chris' blog.

6.  Jonathan Fields introduced Chris at the book signing and shared a concept called the Zillion Sum Game that Jonathan Unger had shared with him in conversation.  This concept is a counterpoint to the scary idea that life is a zero sum game.  It lined up with some things in my class so I was excited to learn more about it.  To no avail.  So I befriended Jonathan Fields on Facebook and asked him directly about it.  To which he responded that he had just written a blog post about this very topic.  I shared this link in the class forum.  How many students responded?  1.  1 frickin student.  And the head of the program responded.  They both loved the concept and totally agreed that it was in line with what we were learning.  As for the other 50 or so people...whatever.

7.  A friend shared a story about someone from my past.  It was unexpected and I was a little surprised to hear it.  Like a wound that is healing it pressed on that place slightly and yet it didn't hurt as much as it used to.  Something about the story released me.  I haven't fixated on it as I would have before.  I'm thankful not to have that presence in my life anymore.

8.  I returned home on Tuesday to see a No Parking sign attached to the street sign right outside my building informing us that one of my favorite shows White Collar was going to be filming here.  Awesome!  I was excited.  So at 5am I went downstairs to investigate, but there were only a few people setting up.  At noon I went outside to discover signs leading to the set.  They were shooting in the parking lot area of the former Tavern on the Green.  I saw most of the cast, but almost missed seeing Matt Bomer because for once he was dressed in jeans.  They were just rehearsing and the sun was blazing so I stayed for a few minutes and left.  It was somewhat boring actually.  And yes Matt Bomer is cute in person.

If you watch the show you know that this week was the final episode until January and the cliffhanger was sad.  If you haven't seen the finale episode stop reading here.  SPOILER ALERT:  Obviously Mozzie getting shot cannot end his life.  Willie Garson's character adds the comic relief to this show and he makes a great sidekick from the criminal part of Neal's life.  Here is a 2 minute clip of Willie Garson talking about working with Matt Bomer.

7.  I cleaned out my fridge (it was not as scary as I thought...well, except for the crisper drawer!) and cleaned and chopped and bagged all of my Basis deliveries.  What a relief.  It was so easy to just come home the next day and start cooking.  I discovered after cooking last night that I'm a fan of purple potatoes, patty pan squash and still not a fan of eggplant.

8.  Every article of clothing that sat in the ever-growing pile on the floor in my apartment has been washed.  I never thought I had a lot of clothes, but apparently I do as I can go for a long time wearing clean clothes while the laundry basket fills up.

9.  I went through the binders we were sent for class page-by-page.  There are a number of personal exercises in there which aren't bad.  There is also a lot of FILLER material which is crap in my opinion as they are just excerpts from the books we were required to purchase and read anyway.  Lame with a capital L.

10.  This summer I saw the work of Rawtoastdesign at the Renegade Craft Fair in Brooklyn.  One print in particular struck me, but in an effort to be fiscally conservative I did not purchase it.  I was recently looking at the print on the artist's website and thinking about it again.  And then on Facebook a few days later the artist Jesse Kuhn wrote about a project he was asking for our support on.  If we voted for a particular school on Facebook in some contest to receive funding and sent him a screen shot of this we could pick out a free print from his store!!!!  Done and Done!  Awesome.  You can check out his prints for sale here.

11.  A blogger whose site I've followed for a few years and whose art sits framed next to my bed on my bookcase is coming to NYC is a few weeks.  I may have the opportunity to meet her...if I can get out of my dumb class on time.  (Last week class ran over by 40 minutes!)  If you want to read a blog that has gorgeous images and writing and whereupon reading it from start to finish you witness one woman's journey, transformation, healing, grieving, moving forward click here.

12.  Had powerful sessions with both my therapist and my coach.  For the first time in as long as I can remember they both told me they were proud of me.  I'm glad in a world where everyone is too self-absorbed (me included) to really sit and consider another's situation that someone seems to be really seeing me.

Yummy, Hot, Gorgeous

I think Matt Bomer from USA Network's White Collar is beautiful.  Take a minute to enjoy...

Hope you have a wonderful Thursday!

The past week

It has been a busy, fun, adventurous week filled with events for the professional, friend, and love parts of my life.  I thought I would share some of it with you.

I went to meet a friend visiting from out of town at Madiba for South African food.  The company of my friend who I adore, the drinks (Kwaito made of rum, brown sugar, lime seltzer, sprite and fresh lime juice) and the appetizers (they serve samosas with achar instead of chutney) were great.  My roti dish was not so exciting (I felt like they defrosted some version of frozen naan and served me that), but then again what was I expecting ordering roti.  It wasn't going to be like mom's roti! 

Remember I mentioned that I was invited to a free introduction coaching seminar for this company which is headed up by a South Asian coach?  I feel somewhat conflicted about whether to name the company in this forum so at this point I will leave it out.  The reason being of course that this seminar was in my opinion not good and more importantly, NOT authentic.  I believe authenticity is very important in coaching.  As I am considering going into this profession I was interested to see someone of my racial background working in this field, but frankly after sitting through almost two and a half hours with this woman it just reinforced my concerns about this industry.  I learned what I would do differently, the importance of identifying your target audience and that apparently you can make a LOT of money in this field.  I didn't know that before.  She was selling and by selling I mean HARD-selling this weekend program for one weekend a month plus 3 months of small group follow-up coaching for something like $1595.  For all the hours of contact you will get if you break down this price per hour it is probably reasonable compared to other coach's hourly rate.  However, this whole session became like an infomercial where she slashed the price if we signed up that date, etc.  I calculated how much if you average the two prices and multiply that by the number of slots available her company makes every month off of these workshops.  $75,000!  That is a lot of money to make per month with a substandard product.  The coaching she did with the women in the audience wasn't close to amazing.  Amidst some of her suggestions were reading If Life is a Game, Here are the Rules by some author whose name I don't remember and who I don't care to look up or link the url to Amazon or her site.  I think there is a copy of this book at my parents' house.  It is some What I Learned in Kindergarten type of book.  Then she mentioned Deepak Chopra.  When her business partner or friend went to write his name on the board she mispelled it.  Then she raised her hand 5 minutes later to say she mispelled it and spelled it again...mispelling it in another way again.  If you're going to recommend people to read maybe you should at least work on getting their names right, no?  The coach asked if anyone had looked at her website and two of us out of 70 (don't people research things before committing their time to it) raised our hands.  Turned out the first person was a friend of hers so she said that didn't count, then she turned to me and said oh A, I know A.  I quizzically looked at my friend next to me and said she doesn't know me, I've never met or heard of her before.  WTF?  Then when asked by a woman if she was offering any more free sessions as she didn't have the money right now to commit over a thousand dollars, the coach responded saying no cause I can't ignore my paying clients and frankly if you're not ready to pay you're not ready to change your life.  That made me mad.  Women didn't come there to be insulted.  And that comment was so rude.  It was a mess.  This woman needs to work on her own story before trying to coach others.  It was good for me to see another perspective and approach.  I know what I would do differently, what my target audience is, and at least one of the qualities that makes a good coach.  Maybe this is because I have a good coach myself and also because I'm learning I have a very set idea about how I want things done.  There is a way to provide good coaching without ripping people off financially.

A few days later based on a friendly recommendation I attended a workshop by Pamela Slim and Jonathan Fields.  It was the first place I ever said out loud I was thinking of being a coach.  It made me feel a little exposed, labelled and awkward.  I think for me the mere act of going was an action step.  I think this workshop is more for people who have their big idea an need help executing it.  It combined coaching with entrepreneurship and creative marketing.  I'm not doing it justice in that explanation.  I met a few interesting people and I got a copy of each of Pam and Jonathan's books.  I'm going to check out their blogs too.  They seemed like smart people who knew what they were talking about it.

That night I had a date with someone I met online that I was interested to meet.  Our online conversations had been funny and interesting.  I was going in not expecting too much, but then something he asked for specifically made me realize he was excited about the date too and then as the date got closer to happening I realized I was really nervous.  Turns out there was no need to be because the second he showed up I knew I was not physically attracted to him.  I think he lied about his height and he even looked like he weighed less than me (which is saying something since I'm skinny).  If it isn't there it isn't there and I can't force that type of attraction to happen.  He was nice and we had dinner, but I think the lack of interest was mutual.  I think there should be a penalty flag or card in dating just like they have in sports. If you meet the person and know quickly you aren't attracted to him or find that he misrepresented him or herself you should get to play the penalty card or throw down the flag and save time and exit the date.  This is the fifth first date I've been on lately and it is getting old in my opinion.  I've realized some things throughout this process, but I'll save those for another post.

Sunday I had brunch at Recipe which I loved.  I normally don't order eggs when I go out as I have a love-hate relationship with this food from childhood, but the Tomato and Buffalo Mozzarella Tart with basil pesto and black truffle oil, the artichoke and goat cheese omelette and my Nojito (Mojito with no liquor in it) were excellent.  I also finally registered for that UPenn Positive Psychology class taught by Harvard professor Tal-Ben Sharar.  I have to log into it tonight when I get home and start the lectures.

Monday I went to the US Open Women's Doubles Final and the Men's Singles Final.  It was a lot of fun.  I had never been in all my years in NYC.  It was an exciting match as Juan Martin del Potro upset Roger Federer.  We also watched the Williams sisters win the doubles championship.  That wasn't as exciting, except when the announcer tried to ask Serena directly about her outburst the day before and she completely ignored and dodged the question and Venus had to save her.  We also saw Jack Nicholson, Lorne Michaels, the Olsen sisters, Tony Bennett, Bruce Willis, Donald Trump and his wife, Gerard Butler, Former Mayor Dinkins, Christie Brinkley, Regis and Joy Philbin, and a woman from my class in college!  Then we went to Justin Timberlake's Southern Hospitality BBQ to eat and watched the end of the Bills-Patriots football game and the beginning of the Chargers-Raiders game.  I think I watched more sports that night than I have in a year!

I adore Jeremy Piven...

But really?