I keep keeping on today despite my bad lower back pain. I'm feeling a little determined to not allow this pain to ruin my getting things done today and I'm determined not to respond as usual by just letting the day get away from me and stewing in my physical discomfort. I have some exciting news to report. Well, come to think of it you may not think it is exciting, but it is exciting to me.
1. I have a doctor's appointment this week just to get my annual check up. Well, it is convenient that I made this appointment weeks ago cause now I can talk to her about my back pain. But I'm really glad that I finally made an appt. with the doctor for a regular check up and am getting more conscious about taking care of my health.
2. I went and bought patches, creams, etc. for my back and have been using them. In addition, I've been taking medicine to counteract the pain. This makes me happy because in the past I've been slow to respond or do anything and I just whined about it and didn't do much to help it go away faster. What a bad sentence that was. Too tired to change it now.
3. In the last three days I've been eating tons of bok choy and plums and tomatoes. Yes, I got my Basis delivery of fruits and veggies. Have to figure out what I'm cooking for dinner tonight. I've also been eating some bad stuff like Munchos, Ruffles, and Milano cookies. What?! Change takes awhile. :)
4. When I reached out to my partners in class asking for their thoughts on whether we ought to be working together more as this is what the instructors recommend every week I never heard back as I think the partners were both away for a few days. So I tried again instead of getting mad and giving up. They responded and we had a call this week. To be honest it was just ok. I think they are wonderful, nice, smart women. But I just don't click with them. I continue to be disappointed by this. At one point I mentioned that I am thinking of not becoming a coach anymore and one responded saying I sound "discouraged." Duh. And yet there were no words of encouragement given. That is fine because I get that from other places. But I know that were the roles reversed I would have given that encouragement to them because when they have been discouraged I have always made it a point to step up and provide support. And I've even followed that support up with an email after. So maybe something about me turns them off, maybe I'm too harsh or blunt for them, or too critical about class, but frankly I like my style a lot more than their style. One of the other partners told us something which clearly sounds like a conflict of interest and we pointed that out to her in a joking manner and started laughing. She seemed to get instantly defensive. I thought later about emailing her to make sure she wasn't offended by our responses, but then I realized I would just be doing that to be nice, not because I truly cared so I decided against it. Why feed into her hypersensitiveness? If she has an issue she can raise it with me. She has shown in the past she struggles to raise things and I have had to raise them for her. Screw that. That is her business, I have my own business to work on.
5. Finally burned my first DVD of home movies and gave it to my parents.
6. Have decided to stay in my current apartment and renew my lease. Now just have to get the guts to ask for some of the changes I want made to the apartment.
7. Realized today while thinking about where I was when I started working with my therapist and where I am/we are today in our work together. I wonder why more people don't go to therapy.
8. Slowly pushing myself little by little to reorganize my place.
9. Opening up more and more about the real fears and anxieties I have. I think this is the way to walk through them and leave them behind me.
10. 3 friends of mine in the last week told me they think I'm going to be a good coach. We weren't talking about coaching, I didn't ask them for feedback, they just randomly said it to me in the middle of a conversation about other topics. Unbeknownst to them for the last two weeks I've started to think that maybe I'm not going to be a coach professionally as my experiences in class have been disappointing and frustrating so it was interesting to hear this from them.
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