Here's what's been happening...

I had a busy weekend.  Friday I met up with an old friend from college I hadn't seen in over  a decade.   I even wore a dress!  (I heard your gasp.)  We went to Schiller's Liquor Bar where the decibel level is so high you have to wonder if people go there specifically not to hear what the person sitting across from them is saying.  Normally I love the steak frites here, but I think our waitress in her overwhelmed state put in the wrong order for how I wanted it made and it wasn't that great which sucked because that was a part of the reason I chose that place.  I don't think I'm going back there any time soon.  Saturday I spent the afternoon at the Brooklyn Botanic Garden for the Hanami.  I have always wanted to go here, so it was nice to finally check it out.  I had fun with my friends and our cameras.   I've posted some of the images above.  Saturday night I was excited to eat at the new addition to the David Chang Momofuku empire: Má Pêche.  The main dining room is still not open for business, but they are serving in the bar area.  I wanted to love their cocktails, but as I'm not a big drinker the ca plane pour moi (macchu pisco, pear william, aperol, maraschino, lime juice) was lost on me.  However, my friends who like to drink loved their drinks.  I will go back there to order the Calamansi lemonade which was yummy.  We had the moules bouchot au bia (mussels, crab paste, beer)....they were huge but I wasn't in love with them.  Next was the ôc sên sauvage (wild burgundy snails, pork sausage, garlic, tarragon) which I really didn't appreciate as I'm not in love with pork the way one ought to be to eat at a David Chang restaurant.  The côtelletes de porc (pork ribs, lemongrass caramel) were something I would consider ordering again.  I know, I know...this is blasphemy that I do not show pork the reverence that Chang and Anthony Bourdain do.  I did love the chou-fleur chiên (fried cauliflower, curry, mint, fish sauce) which was airy and amazing.  And I liked their version of steak frites which included rice fries which tasted like popcorn.  There is a second location of Milk Bar opening here as well.  When we asked to order dessert all they could offer us was the cheese plate which we didn't want.  But when we were leaving they very quietly whispered to us that the four wrapped cookies at the front entrance were for us.  That was really sweet of them.  I wasn't a big fan of the cookies though cause I don't think adding tons of sugar to something makes it better.  Next I went to meet up with a new friend at The Modern.  I made a conscious decision that night that I wasn't going to skip meeting up with this new acquaintance to appease my dinner party which is something I would have done in the past.  I have a clearly defined goal of meeting new people and making new friends and I'm not going to let other people's issues mar that.  Sunday I spent the afternoon and late into the evening helping friends unpack and set up their new apartment.  I came home feeling grateful for my life.

The good news is that I've spent more time being than thinking which is a good place for me to be.  I received some really good health news on Monday which completely made my day.  And then I insisted to a good friend of mine that I come to see her to surprise her with all these nice dresses I had taken from another friend of mine who was donating them to the Salvation Army.  I've come to find every day when I do something nice for someone it makes me feel good.  Monday night I sat down and started revamping my resume.  This is such a big deal that the fact that I was able to sit and do this for more than 15 minutes is pretty monumental.  I finished it up on Tuesday and took it to my therapy appointment to show that I had met a goal that we had established.   It is very important for me at this stage to have people I can share these successes with.  And what I realized yet again this week is that there are few people I interact with on a daily basis that I can do that with.  The people I interact with online daily tend not to be effusive in the way that I want someone to be about these kinds of steps that are a big deal for me.  For the most part I think I tend to be like this for them, but I don't receive it in return in the way I desire.  I take that back a little bit...French Fry is like this...she understands how big a deal this is and I love her for taking the time to acknowledge and celebrate this with me.  But she is also one of 4 women who are like this with me...one of 4 women who either don't live in the same state as me or they do but we don't interact on a daily basis.  I also went running Tuesday morning...by this I mean I ran for 3 minutes in Central Park and then decided to go get a latte and croissant.  :)  This running thing just isn't catching on.  Ugh.  Last night I went to Ali Baba for Turkish food.  It was yummy! 

So amidst all these activities some things have happened that have pissed me off or annoyed me.  I've come to experience in the last few days that when you are getting to a place of balance and equilibrium you have to guard it quite closely.  Maintaining the newly found balance you're trying to achieve involves being able to set limits with not just yourself and your own bad habits, but with others and their issues/habits/needs.  So one of the new limits I'm setting for myself is that I'm no longer taking any phone calls from my friends after midnight unless it is an emergency.  My sleep schedule is now regulated and when that is challenged (as it has been recently) I feel resentful and unhappy because nothing that needs to be discussed in that late-night phone call is urgent enough that it can't be discussed the next day at a regular hour.  I resent having to get less sleep or screw up the following day of my life to satiate another person's anxiety.  I'm also tired of men that are all about themselves.   I asked for men with integrity to show up and they have and that is wonderful.  But now it is time for men to show up in my life that aren't all about themselves.  Most of the men in my life who call me spend the majority of the conversation talking all about their lives...they have a need to be heard or they need their anxiety assuaged or they are just emotionally selfish people maybe.  I personally don't know, but I also personally don't care.  Next!  I've come to think that more than one person in my life may possibly utilize my friendship with him/her as a place to talk about things/belabor things/workout things in his/her life that should be done with a therapist/coach/religious leader/etc.  It is one thing to bounce things off a friend, but when your friend is the only place you go to discuss this over and over again...I'm starting to resent that.  And I finally realize why.  When I became aware that something was wrong and I needed a place to talk about it outside of my family and friends I took the initiative and went and found a place to discuss these things.  This wasn't something that was supported in my culture, family, etc., but I did it anyway for myself.  And I was young when I did this...we're not talking I was an adult in NYC doing this.  If I was able to take this step back then I believe anyone can do this.  I also believe it is an individual's responsibility to take care of his/her emotional health.  I know people who take care of their financial health, their professional lives, and yet these people do not put the same level of effort into their emotional health.  They have been "thinking" about finding a therapist/coach for a while and don't seem to ever actually do it or they just choose not to really dig in and work on the recurring issue in their life that they continually want to discuss with me.  So enough.  It is not my job to forgo my priorities and goals and put off attaining them to help these people.  I've come to find that I can tell when I'm overextending myself with people and from now on I'm consciously going to stop doing this.  

In the last week I've come to understand that the people in my life that I most adore are all people who are just as generous with their time and efforts with me as I am to others.  These are the relationships that I want to continue to cultivate and pour my attention into.  This whole process of shedding and starting anew is continual.  I've identified that I have no space in my life anymore for direly insecure and/or self-absorbed men.  Those relationships require me to manage them as I have a tendency to want to help and then I feel drained and resentful.  Old pattern that repeats itself...time to break it.