Look at the light!

(Delaware Water Gap 2009, Taken by Red)
(Hairstyle was an inside joke)

I'm tired

not from the hours of sleep I've not had

I'm tired

of all the crap

I'm ready Universe

to return to a normal life

I can live a life in the regular status quo way

without being unoriginal

and just shopping at Pottery Barn

and going out for drinks all the time

which seems to be the way of many people

What is the best part of my day?

The early morning

when i leave the house for my coffee

it is quiet still sacred

today the light beamed so bright

but the air was light

the drills on the street rang crashingly

but still i loved it

that is what i want again

it took me a few days to finally photograph my apt

i wanted to record it for Shed

but now i look at the state of it and think

no way am i putting these photos up to show strangers

etsy has become the new addiction

it couples well with my internet surfing sport which i'm pretty good at

but my body is pushing me to stop

don't know if it is arthritis or carpal tunnel

but one hand has been sore this week

for reasons i know not

it isn't like i just started using a computer

i'm scared

because i think

i can either stay here in this place where the gig will be up soon

and i will have to succumb to a solution i don't want

or i have to move full force forward

because living anything but a remarkable life to me never seems like an option in my head

theory and reality though are always differing mates

thing is this means life is going to get really hard

for me

cause i'll have to stop avoiding things

and start dealing with and accepting that getting anywhere in life

involves commitment, dedication, hard work

and i can't whine

and i will suck and be bad at things

and i'm not better than everyone else

and i'm not that smart

and i can't hide from blah blah

this method i have of dealing with things is not pragmatic

the price is time in my life that is too rapidly running by

i can't sit and wait for the fire to burn out to move on

i have to find a way to manage the fires and carry on at the same time